why is the most joyous time of the year the worst time for me?  for some reason....every fucking christmas sux!!!!!

Being in business for yourself is very hard.  you don't get to trade your hours for dollars right away.  you gotta build your business and hopefully collect a pay check from all your perseverance, due diligence, and hard work.  im more worried about my bills than anything else.  it's always nice to get away.  I was in SLO for the last couple of days for some training and being in training and in a hotel away from home, makes your worries go away for a while.  you get to focus on just those things and not worry about every day life. 

my christmas wish... to win the mega million or super lotto. 

my bf will be home in 7 days.  im sooo excited for that!!! i can't wait too see him again!!!!!! 

>.< man....... i think im depressed at the moment........how pitiful.....

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man. so this insurance biz is not as easy as i had hoped it too be.  so yesterday i sent out a bunch of resumes.  i hope to find a replacement job to have as a back bone while i keep working at getting this insurance biz going.  blah............. stress!

for your consideration....my consideration.....
man i really miss my bf! -.-

so the last 5 days have been amazing.  i've spent it at my boyfriends house.  the first night was rough as i was tending to him because he was so sick.  but i nursed him back to health over night and he was able to be active there after.  just spending all that time with him felt so perfect.  i really didn't want or think about anything more than being there with him.  given this type of thinking is fairy tailish, but whatevers.  i loved being with him and now being apart again, sux!!!  i know i really want to live with him. 

i guess my biggest worry at the moment is making my business work.  it's been a month now and im really worried that i won't make enough to cover the expenses i need to pay.  im already a month behind which means i've got some catching up to do and that really sux!!!!  i want this to work and i want to be able to provide for my lover as well.  im just worried that i won't be able to do it.... he believes in me and that's awesome.  grandma, grandpa, and god....please help me succeed at this!

So it's been like 2 weeks now since we've been official and things are going great.  hahaha. i know it's early to say anything other wise, but still.  it's an awesome feeling to have someone love you back the way you love them!  it's only been 2 weeks, but we're already in love with each other.  i know there are many skeptics out there as to how fast you can fall in love with someone, but it's there.  i think for me, time never really mattered.  it was always about the feeling.  and the feeling is there.  you know, usually, it feels like i have to try to do things for my man or that it's a lot of work.  not with tim.  i feel comfortable and relaxed and i don't do anything out of the norm.  just what my heart tells me to do.  i don't ever feel like im trying to hard or anything.  this is the most natural relationship i've been in to date.  i really love it.  it was nice to be able to sleep over here since he usually sleeps at my place. hehehehe.  totally enjoying it.  too bad i have to go to work! blah!!!!! l8r g8rs. have a great weekend!

so as of october 26, 2009 i have a new boyfriend.  hehehe.  tim is an amazing guy.  im so happy to be with him.  hmmm. just wanted to make that note. hahaha.

so on 10/21/09 my mom's dad passed away.  It's really sad...I didn't think that it would have an effect on me, but it has.  Thinking about how my grandpa was filled with senile comedy.  The way he used to fart just walking through the mall or hitting parked cars and driving off.  his constant falling asleep and snoring in a movie and him letting me drive his car.  going bowling every sunday and getting starbucks along the way.  Im glad I got to say my good bye to him before he actually passed away.  It still hurts to think about the past and realize that he's actually gone now.  It's even sadder that both my mom's parent's are now dead.  all she has are her brother and sisters now.  She seems to be doing okay for now.  I really hope she's as good as she says she is.  I'm really hoping to be able to make the funeral in a few weeks.  so anyways. rest in peace grandpa Araki.  I hope you and grandma are reunited in the after life and are both happy again. 

in other news, i've been studying hardcore for my upcoming insurance license exam on friday.  it has been a straight week of non stop studying and i really hope i pass this on my first try!!!!  wish me luck! hahahahhaa.  I've also been dating this fobby taiwanese guy from fremont.  Things have been going well and progressing.  it's nice to finally be on the reciprocating end of affection and love.  i have definitely been taking the steps to advance my life in the right direction again.  it's been a couple years of digressing from what i was at before, but am finally on the path that will bring me exactly what i've been driving towards all this time! 

so that's the latest update on things.  good night.

a lot has been going on the past couple of months.  one of the biggest things was having people stay with me.  It started off with 3 people but 2 of them have already moved out.  thank god!  now i have one person still staying with me as i'm giving him the chance to get on his feet.  although, most of the time he's just online chatting with new boys or my friends or friends of friends.  which is a little annoying...  i do miss living by myself though.  2 months of having someone living here that i don't really want living here is just too much.  i'm pretty much over it. lol.  i've been going through all these different emotions lately about the connections i have with people, the feeling of belonging, and if i'm where i need to be.  since june, everything has been going in a different direction than i originally started out with.  i already kind of know what the start of it was, but it's in the past and it is what it is.  so the past month i've been working at equinox and it has been whatever.  it's gotten me on an early schedule and that's cool.  i like being up early in a sense but at the same time, i would rather be sleeping in just a bit later.  i have just obtained a new job.  it's more of an independent contractor job so there is no base pay and all the money i make is solely up to me.  i don't have to work weekends anymore and everything is on my own schedule.  i think that's going to be super cool!!!  the income potential is outrageous and is so worth the hard work!  i think the next phase of my life is about to begin.... and thus far it's looking like it's going to be pretty damn awesome! i'm excited to start new things and do new things!!!!!!  well that's my vent for now.