wow. it seems like everybody and their mother are traveling to far off places these days. haha. just an observation.  and wishing i could be traveling too!!!  anyways, the rains back in the bay.  i need to head over to walmart too, but i don't know if i want to drive that far in the rain right now.  it's also laundry day...too bad the washer/dryer isn't IN my apartment.  I have to walk a little bit down the driveway to go do it.  haha. should be fun walking in the rain and cold. i wish it would snow! hahahhaa. 

so monday i have an interview at vw.  im kinda looking forward to it.  the manager seemed really cool and everyone who works there seems to always be in a good, friendly mood.  so that's pretty awesome.  it pays okay too.  $15/hour isn't a whole lot, but it will definitely pay the bills.  I'm also going to try and get hired for the U.S. Census on Monday.  I'm hoping I can get a job with them as well.  They pay bank!!! hahahahaha. 

Friday night was cool, my bf came and slept over.  He didn't come over until like 1am or so, but it's all good.  we hung out and watched movies and stuff.  Put together a yard sale for saturday, but unfortunately, no one came.  That really sucked, because I hella wanted to get rid of a lot of things we pulled out.  Ahh well, i'll try again one of these days.  I love going to sleep next to him and waking up next to him!  I wish i could do it everyday!!!

I've been thinking a lot these past few days about what I need to.  I need to re-prioritize my life.  I've always put my love 1st on my list and then work then friends and what not. but i just need to redo this list for now and get back on track with things.  Then i can worry about other things.

can i please stop being sooooo needy?!!! I guess for me, I like spending a lot of time with my bf and if we are free to hang out, why aren't we?  I don't like that he doesn't want to come out to his sister, and i understand i guess.  *sigh* im so in love with him, so it really sucks that sometimes we can't see each other.  it kind of makes me crazy. iono.  i need something that will take up more of my time.  hmmm, maybe a job! hahaha.  *sigh*

going to have a yard sale tomorrow and get rid of a bunch of stuff. hopefully!  i went through a lot of shit last night with my bf and decided what we're going to try to sell. hope i sell a lot of it!

I had my final interview yesterday at Cheesecake Factory and I .... I failed...... i didn't get it.  This job hunt has been so frustrating!!!!! im just sooo fed up at this point. like really fed up!!!!!!! i just wish i met my love before i got to this lowest point in my life.  so iono what to do next........right now i feel like giving up........ what did i do to become such a failure?! fuck!!!

Yay!!!! Final interview on Thursday for cheesecake!!!! HA! I got this!!!!!!!!  and im really looking forward to this friday!!! it's going to be a great day! plus my baby is spending the night. so super excited about that! hehehehe ^.^ been keeping up with working out 4-6 times a week for at least 30 minutes on the elliptical.  it's such a good machine! hehehe. HM has some cute clothes this season so im also looking forward to doing a little shopping on friday as well.  plus im going to have to buy my clothes for work. lol. finally, my luck and life and starting to turn for the better!

yay! second interview next monday at 230!!!!! go cheesecake factory!!!!! hahaha. i know all my girls are gonna be loving me!!!! lol. 

sigh* i wish i had the drive and dedication of a ufc fighter! hahahahaha. i would love to have that kind of heart.  right now, so many things are running through my mind and im wishing for the best of things to work out.  i think being displaced with no job has left me feeling empty.  i don't think it would really matter as much if i had the money to survive without a job, but i don't, so it really makes me feel lost in a sense.  these days, i go online and see people whom I used to chat with a lot, but have no desire to chat anymore.  it's like my life has gotten really dull without some kind of professional career.  i have the best thing in my life right now, but im missing the money making part.  with the money making part fulfilled, i will be complete....... *sigh*

going to apply for cheesecake factory on monday. so i hope that goes well and i get it!

so iono wtf!!!! like i don't understand why i am having such a hard time finding a fucking job! like seriously...... FUCK THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG! I had like the worst dream last night.  my bf and a guy i dated before met each other while i was in school.  apparently he had vids of me playing with him from before and showed them to my bf.  he thought it was hot but it ended up where we were talking about it and i asked him if he kissed him and he said no, and i knew he was lying so i asked again.  he finally admitted to it.  then i asked if they fooled around. and no answer. so i asked again and he said yah.  the next thing i knew i was back in school again.  this time my bf and this guy are meeting up again. except he takes my bf to portugal for some reason. and then for some reason my friends have like a live vid feed of them.  and are trying to get me to watch it.  oh yah. i was also a manager at a grocery store.  it was late at night and i was pissed when i saw it.  so i started yelling at everyone! not cool!!! yah..... well anyways on the live vid feed, there was a show then i saw them.  getting into all this bondage stuff. and i was all wtf. so i called my bf and he didn't pick up. so i called the other guy from my frenz fone. that made him get out of it and pick up.  i didn't say anything just hung up.  then i called my bf again and asked him if he was back yet.  he was like duh, theres no butterfingers in portugal.  and i asked him what time he was coming home and he said 9.  at some point in the dream, they did make out and my bf was a model for a porn mag spread but it didn't show his cock. and to end it all on the live video feed of him and our home we were both watching the sweet dreams by beyonce video and it was also playing on the radio when i woke up from this nightmare! 

sigh**** it's raining sooo hard again

So i've been doing some thinking and i could put an ad on craigslist to share this one bedroom apartment with someone.  That  would split the cost in half for the rent.  The only thing is what is it going to feel like sharing the apartment with someone I don't even know one.  and two, like it's a 1 bedroom.  there ain't that much room here for anything. iono.  seems like it would be a good plan but this place really is small.  iono.  grrrrrr. put some stuff up for sale on craigslist too. like my burberry wallet. =( so sad about that.... grwwwaaaarrrrrrrr!!! please lord let me get this job today!

on another note. I'm super happy and surprised by my bf.  He really has been there for me and helping me where he can. I didn't think it would be at this point so fast. but im  really glad it is. it makes dealing with all this stuff a bit easier.  thank you baby! i love you!!!!!!! ^.^

I went for a job interview today and it was a little quirky for a panel interview.  I wasn't prepared for some of the questions they asked me.  I'm really hoping that I will get the job though.  It sucks that I couldn't do well with Aflac, but this is what I need to do for now.  I need to make some money. get caught up on bills.  save up some savings again.  And keep doing Aflac on the side.  So yah.  Please help pray for me to get this job everyone!!! hehehehe.

on another note.  I'm jealous of my bf's friends.  ha. it's because they all get to talk to him longer than i do.  they talk chinese so it's easier for him to communicate with them.  It's not a bad jealousy.  just a fun one.  So i'm currently trying to learn the basics to speak chinese so i can eventually speak it fluently too.  hahah.

i was thinking, maybe i should just take a few classes..... iono yet. blah*** why does life have to be such a struggle right now.  grrrroooooooooaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!