February 27, 2018

  • Rock Bottom again...

    I have to say, I honestly thought that this year was going to get off to a better start than it did. It's the end of February now and I feel like I'm at rock bottom again. I'm currently watching the season premiere of "The Voice" and I noticed how much family all these contestants have. The struggles I keep hearing about seem so sad, but looking at it; They all have family to back them up and help them out. They aren't truly alone, nor are they really on their own. They all have good support systems in place. It is very far and few between, that you ever see someone truly get there on their own.

    There's a new show variety show in Korea that is about 8 episodes in now. It is called "All the Butlers" or the translated title is "Master of the House." It has a great concept, where they spend 2 days and 1 night with a master of their craft. Famous and renowned people to understand them and what they did to be so successful. So far, it has been famous Korean actors or singers who have had very long and still going success. They recap at the end of the visit, what they learned or what their biggest take away was from the experience.

    I bring this up because so many things happened in just the last 2 months alone. I left at&t thinking I would get a new career, but that didn't work out the way I planned. I also left at&t because I was unhappy there. Last night my new roommate smashes my phone and gets into a physical fight with 2 of my friends. Not only that, I let this new roommate borrow my car and he ends up taking it all the way to LA and not only that, makes an airbag go off, had to replace the tires twice, cracked my windshield, and left the insides in disarray.

    I feel like I've lost myself in the last 2 months and haven't been driven towards anything. I haven't had a goal or purpose in a while. Now, with no support system and bills backing up, I'm stressed out. I've been feeling like I want to quit everything. I have thought about suicide twice, but that's just a bitch way to go. I thought about going home to Hawaii again and just leaving everything here in California. I honestly want to brush up on my Korean and get a 1-way ticket to Korea. I will somehow, figure out how to make it work there. That's what is on my mind lately. I'll be turning 35 in 2 months and it's like I'm trying to restart my life.